No more I love yous
by DemelzaRoss
Summary: Ruth told Jay she loved him but will he listen? Some chapters do have some swearing and some scenes that disturb.


_"_ _I really love you…"_

Ruth sat down on her couch with a bottle of vodka, normally she was a wine drinker but tonight she wanted to be numb, she had made an idiot of herself, she had finally said those three words, four if you counted the really. He had walked off on her; the one person she really cared about had walked off on her, her own fault she knew but it didn't stop it hurting any less.  
 _  
"I really love you…"_

Jay sat down on his bed and sighed. He had walked off on her, wakled off after she had finally said those words to him, the words they could never quite say to each other when they were together. "So what now," Jay said to himself as he cracked open a bottle of fridge he had in his own little fridge that his Nan didn't know anything about, the fridge that he kept all his booze and fags in. "Why couldn't you say it in front of May," Jay said to himself as he flung himself on the bed, "I guess I know the answer to that one, I'm just a nurse, you're a doctor."

She walked into her kitchen and took out the clear box from the top cupboard and looked at the silver packets and smiled. "I love him," she whispered as she took the box and went to her bedroom and sat down by her desk, the desk that was scattered with papers and books, her learning haven to be a top surgeon, the place Jay hated when he stayed over, he always used to distract her with kisses to her neck. "Stop it!" Ruth exclaimed as she looked at herself in the mirror, "Stop thinking of him, he doesn't love you, you ruined that, you!"

"She hated you smoking," Jay said to himself as he was practically falling out the window as he took a drag on his cigarette, "saying I was killing myself, which is true I suppose." Jay sighed as he stubbed the cigarette out on the tile outside of his window. "Jamshid," Maryam shouted out loudly, "are you smoking up there, your stinking out my house." Jay sighed as he shouted out some answer or another. "Why did I walk away for?" Jay asked to himself as he took another sip of his beer.

Ruth looked in the mirror and just stood there and looked as she took another gulp of vodka from the bottle and looked around at the room. A wave of anger flooded through her body and she suddenly punched the mirror smashing it to pieces and feeling a since of release as the crimson blood seeped from her hand. "Deserve it you stupid bitch," Ruth muttered to herself, "stupid, stupid bitch, opening up like that, like he could ever love a bitch like you. I lied to him, I lied to him just like everyone else in my family, I am just a Winter's, cold and icy."

Ruth walked into the living room and saw some of the decorations from Christmas still around the room from where Jonathon had used and abused her. "I hate Christmas," Ruth muttered as she looked around sadly. She picked up the bag of baubles and looked at them as anger again ran through her body; she picked up a bright pink one and threw it at the wall screaming. She screamed and screamed as each bauble smashed up against the wall. She sat down on the couch and picked up her glass and knew what she had to do.

"He loves me," Ruth said as she popped a tablet out of the packet and put it down on the coffee table, "he loves me not." She whispered this as she put each tablet in her mouth and gulped it down with the only alcoholic beverage left in her house, sherry. "He loves me not," Ruth slurred as she put the fiftieth tablet in her mouth. She saw the TV come on in the living room, on the timer, so when she was working night's people would think people were home. A love song was playing on the music channel.

"Stupid love songs," Ruth mumbled as she looked at the TV and again another wave of complete anger consumed her and she staggered towards the TV and picked it up and flung it to the floor, causing an almighty crash and the fragments to spray around the room. Ruth collapsed to the floor in floods of tears. She picked up a fragment of glass and started to cut her arm, and watching the blood seep from the wound gave her a sense of satisfaction.

Each cut she did represented every horrible word she muttered to him or every horrible act she had done to him…

 _1\. You may act the part of a doctor but to me you will always be a nurse.  
2\. It's Dr Winter's  
3\. It wasn't a miscarriage it was an abortion.  
4\. He walked off on me. _

She laid their still, not one part of her body moving, blood was slowly seeping from the wounds in her arms and the slashes to her face. Each cut representing everything she hated about herself, everything. She had only one good thing in her life besides her career and that was Jay and she had ruined that, she had finally told him her feelings for him and he had walked away, walked away like everyone else in her life, her mother, her brother and her father, she hated them and they hated her, now he hated her, the one person she loved hated her.

Jay was looking up at her window, wondering whether to knock on the door or go home and just forget about her. "She said she loved me," Jay whispered as his finger lay close to the buzzer to press it. He pressed it, hoping and praying she would answer.

No answer was given. As Ruth Winter's was lying broken on the floor, a glass fragment in her hand, covered in her own blood, and her body slowly losing the will to fight on.


End file.
